Military Ministry, Motherhood, and Sacrifice

Baby Lane Church Dedication

This Pentecost, the Spirit is speaking to me through sacrifice. I have used this word many times in the past without really understanding its significance. Sometimes it felt like not being able to go to the movies because your child would scream and ruin others’ experiences. Sometimes it felt like not being able to go to extracurricular events at my Seminary because I needed to get home, make dinner for my family, do the dishes and attempt homework before I passed out from exhaustion. Sometimes it felt like the strange shape of my abs after a cesarean section even after 1+ year of working out and running 4 times a week. Maybe it felt like not being able to go country dancing ever with my husband even though I lived in Nashville, TN because I couldn’t manage to stay up late enough after taking care of a toddler.

Enter US Army Chaplain Corps: last summer after 4 beautiful months of nursing my new baby (Justice Ryan Lane) at home with family, I left for Chaplain Basic Officer Leadership Course (CH BOLC for short) where I continued breast pumping during the course of CIMT or Chaplain basic training and 16 hour grueling Army training days. I learned the meaning of sacrifice. Other amazing mothers and fathers at my school supported me in what was essentially an experiment in many ways. 1)  After cutting Army funds, the soldiers at Chaplain School would live in ‘barracks’ and eat in the Drill SGT dining facility (DFAC) like other none-officer soldiers. 2) We marched everywhere we went (~6m/day.) 3) With unwavering encouragement from leadership including CH (LTC) Karen Diefendorf I proceeded to be able to finish nursing (from a distance) and boost my child’s immunities through mother’s milk.

Many female Chaplains including CH (COL) Kristina Moeller, CH (LTC) Karen Diefendorf, CH (MAJ) Renee Kiel, and CH (CPT) Delana Small have laid down a path for me of guidance, wisdom, love, and Esprit de Corps that is invaluable to new Chaplains in training. Veteran women like Mary Ross at Operation Stand Down Nashville, Inc. have also inspired me in following my call.  In the Army, I realize that the Saints next door are the women who have come before me.

USACHCS (Chaplain School) did an amazing job of supporting me in this motherhood and ministry experiment. I believe this should encourage other young women of child bearing age who might be on the fence regarding joining military chaplaincy. Where God calls you and commands you, God will provide the path to succeed in all you do! This includes motherhood and ministry, even in the military. Many young women have asked me to blog more about this specific experience as I have many funny stories involving breast pumps and Humvees. You might look for this in the future.

NOW sacrifice feels like wondering if my little boy cried when he got a shot today, wondering how he slept and if he got enough kisses and hugs to feel loved.  Sacrifice feels like not be able to sleep at night because I can’t hear his gentle rolling breath in the next room. Sacrifice feels like wandering around this giant hotel room barely being able to enjoy the peace and quiet because with it comes a loss of joyful toddler laughter that fills my soul with smiles and sunbeams.

As I travel back to Fort Jackson, SC this weekend to finish the adventure I began last summer, I am comforted only by God’s Word. Leaving your family is intellectually, emotionally and spiritually jarring. No one can say much that makes me feel better except for the Lord’s nurturing embrace and feeling closer to God through reading scripture.

“Thank you for your service” is wonderful but make sure to also honor our families and say thank you to them because some of the hardest sacrifices made are made by our families. Those in the Christian community can be a great resource for our families affected by military commitments and loss as they remind them of God’s love and care and support them in whatever ways possible.  Although God’s love is strongest when I am home with my family, I have also been blessed to feel God’s love in the empathy of the other Chaplains at school going through similar feelings of loss and separation and in the hugs of those who have reached out to support me in my multi-facetted call within a call. There should be no shame in missing our families, even in a Hooah Army culture.  When the bravado comes crumbling down, God’s love is there in sometimes surprising ways to fill your heart with joy until you are reunited with those who know you best.

Blessings with God’s Love – 1LT Jennifer Lane, Chaplain Candidate, USAR