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| Baby Lane Church Dedication
This Pentecost, the Spirit is speaking to me through sacrifice.
I have used this word many times in the past without really understanding its
significance. Sometimes it felt like not being able to go to the movies because
your child would scream and ruin others’ experiences. Sometimes it felt like
not being able to go to extracurricular events at my Seminary because I needed
to get home, make dinner for my family, do the dishes and attempt homework
before I passed out from exhaustion. Sometimes it felt like the strange shape
of my abs after a cesarean section even after 1+ year of working out and
running 4 times a week. Maybe it felt like not being able to go country dancing
ever with my husband even though I lived in Nashville, TN because I couldn’t
manage to stay up late enough after taking care of a toddler.
Enter US Army Chaplain Corps: last summer after 4 beautiful
months of nursing my new baby (Justice Ryan Lane) at home with family, I left
for Chaplain Basic Officer Leadership Course (CH BOLC for short) where I
continued breast pumping during the course of CIMT or Chaplain basic training
and 16 hour grueling Army training days. I learned the meaning of sacrifice.
Other amazing mothers and fathers at my school supported me in what was
essentially an experiment in many ways. 1)
After cutting Army funds, the soldiers at Chaplain School would live in
‘barracks’ and eat in the Drill SGT dining facility (DFAC) like other
none-officer soldiers. 2) We marched everywhere we went (~6m/day.) 3) With unwavering
encouragement from leadership including CH (LTC) Karen Diefendorf I proceeded
to be able to finish nursing (from a distance) and boost my child’s immunities
through mother’s milk.
Many female Chaplains including CH (COL) Kristina Moeller, CH
(LTC) Karen Diefendorf, CH (MAJ) Renee Kiel, and CH (CPT) Delana Small have
laid down a path for me of guidance, wisdom, love, and Esprit de Corps that is
invaluable to new Chaplains in training. Veteran women like Mary Ross at
Operation Stand Down Nashville, Inc. have also inspired me in following my
call. In the Army, I realize that the
Saints next door are the women who have come before me.
USACHCS (Chaplain School) did an amazing job of supporting
me in this motherhood and ministry experiment. I believe this should encourage
other young women of child bearing age who might be on the fence regarding
joining military chaplaincy. Where God calls you and commands you, God will
provide the path to succeed in all you do! This includes motherhood and
ministry, even in the military. Many young women have asked me to blog more about
this specific experience as I have many funny stories involving breast pumps
and Humvees. You might look for this in the future.
NOW sacrifice feels like wondering if my little boy cried
when he got a shot today, wondering how he slept and if he got enough kisses
and hugs to feel loved. Sacrifice feels
like not be able to sleep at night because I can’t hear his gentle rolling
breath in the next room. Sacrifice feels like wandering around this giant hotel
room barely being able to enjoy the peace and quiet because with it comes a
loss of joyful toddler laughter that fills my soul with smiles and sunbeams.
As I travel back to Fort Jackson, SC this weekend to finish
the adventure I began last summer, I am comforted only by God’s Word. Leaving
your family is intellectually, emotionally and spiritually jarring. No one can
say much that makes me feel better except for the Lord’s nurturing embrace and
feeling closer to God through reading scripture.
“Thank
you for your service” is wonderful but make sure to also honor our families and
say thank you to them because some of the hardest sacrifices made are made by
our families. Those in the Christian community can be a great resource for our
families affected by military commitments and loss as they remind them of God’s
love and care and support them in whatever ways possible. Although God’s love is strongest when I am
home with my family, I have also been blessed to feel God’s love in the empathy
of the other Chaplains at school going through similar feelings of loss and separation
and in the hugs of those who have reached out to support me in my
multi-facetted call within a call. There should be no shame in missing our
families, even in a Hooah Army culture.
When the bravado comes crumbling down, God’s love is there in sometimes
surprising ways to fill your heart with joy until you are reunited with those
who know you best.
Blessings
with God’s Love – 1LT Jennifer Lane, Chaplain Candidate, USAR
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