1) Hobby: Start a new hobby or get back into an old one that you haven't had time for in awhile. Whether you want to call it distraction or opportunity, you can make this difficult time as fun and interesting as you choose to make it. (i.e. The Chinese word for challenge means opportunity!)
2) Make time for just YOU: i.e. spa days with girlfriends, movie nights, adults only dinners, candle lit bubble baths, etc.. You may have the time now to have this guilty pleasure and not feel guilty! Taking care of yourself helps you take better care of your family and loved ones.
3) Make a deployment calendar on a big poster board with just the expected months that your service member is expected to be gone. Get your kid(s) involved with decorating it etc.. Have them mark off each day with a sticker as a countdown. It helps ease the stress of little ones that can't grasp how long a week, month, or year really is and gives them some kind of visual reference other than a traditional flip calendar.
4) Stay Connected. Whether its reconnecting with old friends, new friends, family, or our Army family, its important to stay connected! You can do this through so many ways these days, so pick up that telephone, tweet, blog, email, flip through photos, listen to favorite songs, or visit in person to help yourself remember that you don't have to go through this alone. In fact, this time can strengthen relationships that might even improve your family life when your loved one gets home from deployment.
5) Along these lines, write each other real letters on actual paper! : ) Emails are great and of course its wonderful if you have the opportunity to talk on the phone or Skype, but there is something very special about giving and receiving a real handwritten note. Especially if your partner is out in the field and has no access to a laptop or phone etc, they can carry that letter or note with them and pull it out to read whenever they need a reminder of home. You may also want to add a special trinket or a squirt of your favorite perfume of cologne for your deployed loved one.
6) Furthermore, many combat veterans remind me that when they do get to speak to loved ones at home, they very much appreciate an upbeat positive attitude, light-hearted loving conversation, and not hearing about problems that they can’t do anything about. In fact, my good friend Carolyn in San Diego, after many back to back deployments waiting for her husband, took up the strategy to not discuss problems with her deployed spouse UNTIL they were fixed. For instance, one deployment her mom wrecked his car, the fridge flooded their house, and they had to have the carpet replaced, etc. She didn't speak of this to him UNTIL she had these items fixed so as not to cause him extra stress at a time when his mind (just like your deployed loved ones) needs to be on the mission. This will keep them safe and help them return to you soon.
7) Plan "Family Fun Days" for once a week, once a month, or whatever fits into your schedule/budget best. You can add these to the deployment calendar. Just make sure you are taking the time to let off some steam with the kids. This does not have to be expensive. Examples: Friday kids "camp out" in the living room with movies, pjs, and snacks of the kid's choice, a day at a theme park or state park (make sure to ask for military discounts), visit your local library for special programs, make homemade food together like ice cream or pizza, or a road trip for some sightseeing.
8) Fill a jar full of Hershey Kisses or another favorite snack & eat one out of the jar everyday your loved one is deployed until they are home and its time to reunite!!
9) Crisis Resources: Everyone has a "breaking point" and if you feel you're reaching yours, please don't hesitate to reach out for help by calling MilitaryOneSource at 1-800-342-9647. They're available 24/7 to assist you in your time of need and help you through whatever difficulties you're facing. Additionally, please contact your FRG or unit Ministry team for advice on who can help you with different kinds of problems you may be experiencing. The FRG and ministry team have experience on this front and can be a great resource. You are not alone!
10) This last one is more of a tip, but I've given this advice to other military spouses more times than I can count. No matter what the age of your children, don't be afraid to let them know when you are having a tough time. There will be good days and bad days, and they need to see both because they are going to have good and bad days as well, and whether they are 2 or 12, knowing that they are not alone in their sadness, anger, frustration, whatever it may be, will make things so much easier for the whole family. Being honest about your feelings and owning up to the realities of a deployment make a world of difference.
These ideas were a culmination of 2LT Lane, my great friend and Navy Mom & Wife Carolyn Smith, and my husband OIF veteran James Lane.
